why is it?.

"excuses are made to deny the truth"
-me

Why is it that when a person gets pregnant ,all of the sudden, no matter what is said or done, it is blamed on hormones? Do pregnant people not have bad days? Do they not have a sense of being completely overwhelmed? I dont know, I really dont understand the logic behind all of this. I am at a point in my life where yes, I have many things going on, like most parents or spouses...therefore its quite ok for me to have a moment now and then. And, might I just add, that if approached in a manner I feel is unacceptable yes, I will let you know...no different than before I was IVF-ed with twins. Maybe Im being hormonal right now, not quite sure...or, this is crazy, but maybe I am just being ME. If approached by a pregnant woman and they happen to slightly let you know whats up, revaluate the situation before you blame it on the hormones. You never know it might be you.

pilesofphotos.com

No, this is not a picture of me! I was just going to let the readers know that I will be out of town for the next couple of days and will not be posting. Raelyn has a rather large obsession with alligators so we are taking her to see the largest croc in captivity (20ft)

grocery list.

my favorite local shopping spot, avon nc

A trip I used to oh so enjoy is now more like a chore. List's are so necessary in everyone's life, if you arent a list person I highly recommend you trying it. Anyway, my cart used to be filled with all sorts of great stuff, today...hmm lets see,

Pickles, I know so cliche
Coca Cola, yes I drink caffeine
Almound Joys, the favorite candy bar at the moment
Nutra Grain bars, apple cinnamon being on the top of the list
Strawberries, the go to food to cure the sour stomach.. no I dont get it either
Asparagus that will be roasted in the oven at home- salt, pepper, evoo so delish
All fruit popsicles- a favorite of Esta Marie's making it a double score!

No coffee,ice cream (well the hub still digs it), most cereals, and well just about everything else.

Nothing like a good change to get the mind a moving.

ive got a feeling.

Well my attempt to get it together and blog on a schedule, out the window. Its so easy for life to get in the way. I feel like this post needs to be about the feelings of this surrogate, maybe clear up a few thoughts for those of you with wondering minds. Twins seem to be on every one's mind, its quite funny when people walk up to you with a puzzled look, "congratulations"? And I reply, " um, thank you," I mean really what do you say? Well here are my thoughts:

First off let me just say that yes I am thrilled that mommy and daddy to be are being blessed with double. I am excited for them and can only try to imagine the joy they must be having. Having said that, my feelings for my self are slightly different, please don't misinterpret what is being said here. Carrying two is a little more taunting, you have the extra weight gain, double the appointments, and most important its a higher risk. That's the part that somewhat stumps me, I am healthy and active so I am trying to stay positive, but your only given one body. I think its only natural to be slightly nervous of the what ifs (except for you people who know everything and would never have a feeling such as that).

I guess face to face with people I some what clam up, nervous of what I say and how it will be interpreted (although, not everyone you meet is or has been a surrogate, therefor what they say is exactly that, words they felt needed to leave the brain, the end). Never do I wish that I could go back in time, I'm excited about the pregnancy and even more excited about the experience (not everyone has twins). I mean really, look how cute...

via thestir.cafemom

So cute, if given one of each. Im just glad I dont have to store it in my living room!

up to date.

First an apology, I have a huge issue with blogger's who go weeks without a new post. No it hasnt been a week for me, but still I apologize.

OK, so I thought now would be a good time to kind of update the followers.
Babies are doing great, they have grown 3 cm in a week, crazy...and I haven't gained that much weight!
I am still struggling with a slightly sour stomach but nothing major, and food is getting better and better ( coffee is still a no go).

Herb garden is planted and looks GREAT! Not in galvanized buckets but the hub built a pretty amazing planters box right by the kitchen, score!

Coupons, wow slow. I must say, power to you women who spend hours upon hour clipping away. The patience just doesn't sit with me.

Lastly, attire. Looks to me like summer may be a blessing. Although I have numerous weddings to go to I feel like flowy summer dresses and wedges are my ticket, lets not forget bangles.

Nordstrom, Sam Edelman

Super obsessing right now!

9 month attire.

I feel like the past couple of days have just been so heavy with emotion I would really like to lighten it up a bit. Even good emotions can be exhausting. So anyway, now that the verdict has been made it is a must that we hit on maternity attire. Something that once used to be extemely gross (winne the pooh, and panel jeans)  is now somewhat chic. With the first preg I wore whatever I could get into that would look semi decent for a 17/18 yr old (yeah, cause for another blog), the second go around I literally was decked head to toe in chic gym wear, chic meaning black of course. This go around Im not sure what my taste and ability will be. Seeing as there is two it is going to be more of a challenge...extra 45 lbs never helped a girl out.

via tomkingandsons.com

I was thinking bohemian chic, but this is a sight. I mean 2 babes, 5 shirts, 3 necklaces, 1 pair of baggy pants and sandels climing up the leg. I would seriously suffocate and sweating as I type. No thank you, next.

via celebrity people

What is this? Is she for real? Clearly a celebrity has the means...you have funding for chicness and a stylist if needed. Is is necessary you walk out of the house looking like you are ready to audition for Oliver Twist? Get real.

via pregnancy fashions

This is more like it, even preg she has the best set of legs I have ever seen. Mine are of a different shape (slightly) but I am digging rock out black.

via momdot

Also black but oh so chic.


On the search.

Wonder

Listen while you read.

I'm not entirely sure when this song was released but in my world it came about when I was like  fourteen or fifteen. The time when Mommy to be was faced with the reality of babies not being an option (in her body anyway). I remember it like it was yesterday, we were driving in her mom's car, not quite sure if we were legal, singing away to this song. We both new right then and there we would be making some pretty serious decisions down the road. Ironically the song played yesterday on my way home from VA, the hub and I were singing away as usual. I turned to shy away the tears because I knew there was no way to explain the emotions I was feeling right then. Here it is thirteen/fourteen years later and I am pregnant with mommy to Be's twin babies!  Here I go tearing up again, cry on people, cry on!

really?.

Yep, those are it. Pick your mouth up off the floor this chic is having not one, but TWO! Holy Good Lord. I was worried, worried about health but they are BOTH doing great. Measured exact to the day and the heart beats are strong. How amazing!( but this fertile, what were we expecting)
And the best thing is the HORMONES are DONE! Mommy and daddy to be are thrilled and the hub and I are just trucking with a smile. Love the support.

nervous nancy.

Thy nerves are SHOT! I cant even stand the emotional train I am riding right now. It truly is an amazing feeling that none other than a surrogate could possibe possess. Really, I am carrying someone else's baby...insanity! I thought babysitting could be slightly taunting, whole new ball game here sister. Tomorrow is the big day, day of excitement and anticiaption...we have been through so much and just to see it/them is going to be surreal. I cant help but to wonder what if somethings not right, what if I have been stubborn and done something wrong, what if? Then I step back from the situation regroup and realize this is life, and its my life. I have true and utter faith unto the Lord Almighty, with him there is no worry for he wants nothing but the best for me and every other party involved. Look to the sky and thank him for he is good.

"Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life"?
Matthew 6:27 NIV

I am no saint but I do know that worry is a sick addiction that can consume and destroy. Not today, not for me. Smile this girls having a baby!

finally.

Uh, today is a GOOD day. I am just so excited I can barely stand it, I don't know where you are but I am having a sun shining day. Esta Marie and I took a walk around the neighborhood today (which is an extremely big deal for the weak and feeble) and the windows are wide open. Living on the beach, well technically I live on the sound, but the salty breeze rejuvenates the house and the soul. Fresh is the new obsession in my life. Although dry heaving and sour stomach still lingers in the back of my mind I am no longer letting it hinder the every move of my every day! Enjoy the sunshine.

its a must.

It is so necessary at this point that I give a loud shout out to the hub. He really has been amazing the past couple of months. As yall have read the couch has became my humble abode, my companion, the resting place- no longer the kitchen, folding clothes, rearranging. He is my hero sucking up all my slack and dealing with this decision that I ultimately made. I am lucky and love him to pieces.

The hub and I on our honeymoon, we will be celebrating our three year
aniversary April 19th. woop woop.

forgranted time.

Its amazingly true that it takes some type of change to realize how much you truly enjoy something. With my recent body experience of feeling like absolute ^&%$$# I have noticed how much I miss FOOD. I have always been a foodie, an absolute food junkie...from cooking to reading to watching, love it all. Its my hobby, and right now I can barely stand to imagine my kitchen. The smells, textures, sounds, all make me cringe. Its awful, and I'm sure the hub is thinking the same exact thing. A kitchen that used to run 24/7 now runs at the very minimum, and not with a smile on thy face either.

Not to mention my first baby girl has reached NINE, I know right where does the time go? Her little hands her big eyes, and the cutest things flying out of her mouth. Now, its ke$ha, star doll, and who knows what drama tomorrow will bring. Funny though, Esta Marie,my two year old, some days her nine year birthday cant come soon enough. Life is hilarious, full of oxymoron feelings, man up stairs you truly are amazing.

This was a biscuit I ate up in NYC, amazing! It was covered in whipped butter
and some type of marmalaid, yum.